Body Image Monday - You Would Be So Pretty if You Would Just....

"You have great bone structure and would look so nice with a just a little blush."
"You're eyes would really stand out with a good mascara."
"

Or my favorite....

"You are pretty, but if you would just lose ten pounds you would be drop dead gorgeous."

How many times have you had a variation of one of these things said to you? Lost count? Yeah me too. The response in my head usually goes something like this - "Oh that's so ni- hey wait a minute, eff you!" Except I actually say the word in my head, but I want to keep this PG.

Back handed compliments, in these cases are usually given out by well intentioned people, who don't realize what they are saying. You may have even unintentionally given one or two out yourself.

We are a make-up and perfect body (whatever that means) obsessed culture. People, both women and men are always trying to find ways to fix their appearances. Not only that, we are also nit picking at other peoples appearances. Telling people what they should do to make themselves look better, when what we should really be doing is helping each other FEEL better, but more on that later. That's where these backhanded compliments come in.

When I was growing up, it took me a long time to actually give a crap about make-up. My mom tried to get me to wear eyeliner on a regular basis for years. I did not care about it, one tiny bit. I was also a bit of a tom-boy. Then finally one day I did. Then I couldn't not wear it anymore. I felt like I looked less than human without it. When in reality I just looked younger. My mom alway's told me it would bring out my eyes. And she's right it does...because that's what eyeliner does...for everyone. Again she was well intentioned.

Flash forward into my adult years, working in a restaurant. Talking to a friend about how I had started going to the gym. He was already a gym rat so he was giving me tips. Friend then proceeds to tell me that I am very pretty, but as soon as I drop the extra few pounds at the gym I was going to be unstoppable. Also well intentioned.

Here's the thing, when you say these things to people it doesn't actually feel good. What you are actually saying is "When you fix your flaws, you will be beautiful, until then you're just okay." Take a second to think about it. Why is it that when someone loses weight, they automatically become more beautiful (or handsome) than they were before? Do they really? I know plenty of women that are not on the petite scale that are absolutely stunning. How about the person hiding the circles under their eyes with make-up. Really we wouldn't notice that kind of thing if make-up wasn't such a staple in society. Is she really more pretty because she put on some concealer?

A big problem that we have right now is that we find it easier to poke at each others physical flaws rather than help each other emotional well being. Instead of being genuinely interested in how someones week has been, we find ourselves pulled away by the uncovered zit on their forehead. There are more efforts made in giving make-up and weight loss tips, than there are words of love toward one another. That is what needs to be heard more than anything else.

We live in a society full of magazines and televisions shows constantly showing us how much better we can be. It's about time we all embrace the beauty that we already have, without "enhancements." So here is my challenge for the few of you that read this; if you fine yourself nit-picking or scrutinizing someone else or your own appearance, stop and find something that you like. Say it out loud, compliment them, or even yourself in the mirror. Chances are both are already beautiful.