Normally on Monday's I try to write about healthy body image but, I'm in Nevada, and am very emotional. More than I have ever been before being here. I've probably cried at least three times since being here, for happy and sad reasons. No one has really seen it, I'm a crier, but I don't typically like to cry in front of people. But the reason I am writing this is because I think, that this has been my favorite trip here so far. Because for several reasons, we have had so much time to just be.
As I have said before, I love my family. All of them and they're all very spread out, so I have to make visits to many places. Every time I go somewhere, we are all trying to make these big plans of what we are going to do, in order to get the most out of the always, short time that we have. This trip was different, and I couldn't have loved it more.
My Gramps is still healing from his lung collapse and will be for awhile, so he has to take it very easy, and he needs someone to watch out for him during the day time. Going into this trip I knew there would be plenty of down time, while I didn't fully realize just how much, I was perfectly fine with it. First, downtime not due to injury was fantastic, second, I got to really just hang out with my aunt and grandparents. I got to just be in the same room as them. With everything that has happened I think that was something I at least, really needed.
The second I got off the plane I was looking around and smiling. When I saw my aunt, and then hugged her it was everything I had to not be the big pile of mush that I am. The joy was just exploding from my heart. If I wouldn't have looked like a fool I would have been dancing all over the place. I almost did.
Most of this trip was sitting around watching TV and taking naps. My aunt and I went out to eat a few times, but this was really just about being in each others company. We had conversation, about random odds and ends, but the feeling I have when with any members of my family (both mine and his) is almost on a spiritual level. We are able to just sit in the same room as each other and feel the love that is so very present. Talk about life, and whatever we are watching. It is truly beautiful.
Making the most out of visits is important, but it doesn't mean that you must be on the go the whole time, trying to create memories. Sometimes the best memories are made when you allow yourself to just be with each other, cherish the time you have, because it always comes to an end, and your regular life has to start again. So while you can, just love on each other, and know that you will see them again soon.
Monday, August 25, 2014
Saturday, August 23, 2014
5 Things for traveling yesterday
I'm in Nevada for an extended weekend. So a few things happy things from yesterday.
1 - Short breakfast dates with the boy - We only went to McDonald's, but I wasn't going to see him before I left for the airport, so we left the house a little earlier than I normally would have. So we got to have good conversation before I went to work.
2 - So many friendly people - This is phenomenon in L.A. As my fiance will tell you that is the thing I struggle with the most. The lack of friendliness in L.A. And maybe it was because I was leaving the city for the weekend so I didn't care as much. But my Uber driver, was a wonderful father of two from Sri Lanka, and our conversation instilled some inspiration in me. Then I was able to strike up conversations several other people, include a two southwest baggage guys, and two people on my flight.
3 - The extreme joy I felt getting off the plane - I think the last time I felt this much sincere joy, was either right after we were engaged. I love being here!
4 - Chloe Clawdashian - This is what my Auntie calls her cat. It's pretty great, this cat has so much personality, and I love that in a kitty. She plays fetch!
5 - Late dinners - My aunt and I headed to Bully's and had a late dinner and caught up on what's been happening in the almost YEAR since I've been here. I will always cherish these moments.
1 - Short breakfast dates with the boy - We only went to McDonald's, but I wasn't going to see him before I left for the airport, so we left the house a little earlier than I normally would have. So we got to have good conversation before I went to work.
2 - So many friendly people - This is phenomenon in L.A. As my fiance will tell you that is the thing I struggle with the most. The lack of friendliness in L.A. And maybe it was because I was leaving the city for the weekend so I didn't care as much. But my Uber driver, was a wonderful father of two from Sri Lanka, and our conversation instilled some inspiration in me. Then I was able to strike up conversations several other people, include a two southwest baggage guys, and two people on my flight.
3 - The extreme joy I felt getting off the plane - I think the last time I felt this much sincere joy, was either right after we were engaged. I love being here!
4 - Chloe Clawdashian - This is what my Auntie calls her cat. It's pretty great, this cat has so much personality, and I love that in a kitty. She plays fetch!
5 - Late dinners - My aunt and I headed to Bully's and had a late dinner and caught up on what's been happening in the almost YEAR since I've been here. I will always cherish these moments.
Monday, August 11, 2014
Body Image Monday - What About the Guys?
Many of the articles you see about body image tend to focus on "the real woman." First off this is crap. We're all real people therefore we are real women. We all struggle and succeed in different and similar ways. Just because you are curvier doesn't give you the right to say you are more real than the skinny girl next to you. But with all of the body image encouragement women give to each other, there seems to be someone we have forgotten. Our gender opposites. The guys.
Yes ladies, believe or not men too struggle with positive body image. When they put on a few pounds, even though they don't show it in the same way we do, they become frustrated and feel down on themselves. Some call themselves fat, just like we do. Men too live in a world where their body expectations are unrealistic. Do you know who the main proprietors of said expectations are? Us.
Now I know some of you will be a bit defensive, and say "well they expect that of us too," except that is the problem. We complain about men's unrealistic expectation of ourselves, but we turn around and do the same thing. Admit it, when you saw the second Thor movie you ogled Chris Hemsworth during that showering bit. I did a little. But I won't lie, I'm glad my guy is not a muscley body builder. I find him extremely attractive as he is.
I have had many conversations with some of my single women friends over the past few weeks about men they were seeing or that they were into. The first thing many of them describe is how he looks, and how built or not built he is. If the man is built, they say "he is super hot, and tall, with huge muscles." If he's a little more on the average side of physicality, "he's okay, but he's very nice." When we describe a man in the second way, it seems like we are defending our reasoning for liking him because he doesn't fit the popular expectation. Now here's my question, why is a guy considered "hot," just because he happens to be built? Just like, why is a woman considered "hot," just because she happens to be skinny? *There should be no standard as to what makes a person beautiful or attractive, everyone is attracted to different things, do not apologize for it.
(*Marks added piece from earlier post.)
Believe it or not, men really are dealing with the same issue we are. They too see magazine covers in stores everyday, of "ripped" men and feel that they have a standard to live up to in order to get or please women. There are cologne ads that tell them, they need to look a certain way in order to find love. The gross truth about our society is that your natural body figure is not accepted no matter what gender you are. This is not to say that guys who are built are ugly, don't get things twisted. But some people just do not have that type of body, plus many of those male models are airbrushed to give them more abs.
It is time that we encourage our male counterparts as well as each other. Let them know that they too, are beautiful (Or handsome, which ever they prefer) as they are. That body builder or not, they do not need to live up to some silly magazine cover, and super hero film expectations to be attractive. That like us, they should strive to be healthy, not perfect.
If someday we all pull together in this, maybe someday we will be able to change the way modeling agencies look at people, and someday stop all of the airbrushing and editing. People in general are beautiful, the computer doesn't need to make it that way.
Check out this Huffpost article about real men posing in underwear ads. I think these guys make just as awesome models as the professionals.
Yes ladies, believe or not men too struggle with positive body image. When they put on a few pounds, even though they don't show it in the same way we do, they become frustrated and feel down on themselves. Some call themselves fat, just like we do. Men too live in a world where their body expectations are unrealistic. Do you know who the main proprietors of said expectations are? Us.
Now I know some of you will be a bit defensive, and say "well they expect that of us too," except that is the problem. We complain about men's unrealistic expectation of ourselves, but we turn around and do the same thing. Admit it, when you saw the second Thor movie you ogled Chris Hemsworth during that showering bit. I did a little. But I won't lie, I'm glad my guy is not a muscley body builder. I find him extremely attractive as he is.
I have had many conversations with some of my single women friends over the past few weeks about men they were seeing or that they were into. The first thing many of them describe is how he looks, and how built or not built he is. If the man is built, they say "he is super hot, and tall, with huge muscles." If he's a little more on the average side of physicality, "he's okay, but he's very nice." When we describe a man in the second way, it seems like we are defending our reasoning for liking him because he doesn't fit the popular expectation. Now here's my question, why is a guy considered "hot," just because he happens to be built? Just like, why is a woman considered "hot," just because she happens to be skinny? *There should be no standard as to what makes a person beautiful or attractive, everyone is attracted to different things, do not apologize for it.
(*Marks added piece from earlier post.)
Believe it or not, men really are dealing with the same issue we are. They too see magazine covers in stores everyday, of "ripped" men and feel that they have a standard to live up to in order to get or please women. There are cologne ads that tell them, they need to look a certain way in order to find love. The gross truth about our society is that your natural body figure is not accepted no matter what gender you are. This is not to say that guys who are built are ugly, don't get things twisted. But some people just do not have that type of body, plus many of those male models are airbrushed to give them more abs.
It is time that we encourage our male counterparts as well as each other. Let them know that they too, are beautiful (Or handsome, which ever they prefer) as they are. That body builder or not, they do not need to live up to some silly magazine cover, and super hero film expectations to be attractive. That like us, they should strive to be healthy, not perfect.
If someday we all pull together in this, maybe someday we will be able to change the way modeling agencies look at people, and someday stop all of the airbrushing and editing. People in general are beautiful, the computer doesn't need to make it that way.
Check out this Huffpost article about real men posing in underwear ads. I think these guys make just as awesome models as the professionals.
Thursday, August 7, 2014
25 Things I Have Learned So Far
As my 25th birthday approaches (in minutes now) I decided to make a short list of the 25 things that I have learned, that I have helped me get this far. I guess you could say the best lesson's I have personally learned. I'm not going to go into detail, but instead let you take them as you will.
1 - The ability to read is a powerful tool, and can take you wonderful places
2 - Sometimes you have to just go for it. There will never be a right time for anything.
3 - Love in any form is the most painful and heartbreaking thing you will ever give, or receive.
4 - Love in any form is the most beautiful thing you will ever give, or receive.
5 - Mom always means the best, even when it doesn't feel that way.
6 - Having the feeling of family is extremely important.
7 - People do not have to be blood to be family.
8 - Friends that are real friends, give just as much as they take.
9 - Having a job that pays well means nothing if you are unhappy, and your health is at risk.
10 - Learning to cook at least basic things, will save you money and is relaxing.
11 - Take your health seriously.
12 - It's okay to be easily entertained, it just means you get to laugh more.
13 - Truly listening to others when they speak will open up your world.
14 - Money can buy a lot of things, but at the end of the day they are still just things.
15 - Pet's are wonderful! If you aren't allergic, get one. They help you see a whole new side of yourself.
16 - Leave your work, at work.
17 - Your parent's are right about many things they said when you were a kid.
18 - Invest in your life. Yes, things are just things, but when buying something spend the extra money on something that will last, rather than the cheaper thing that will break just a few months from now.
19 - Find a way to indulge in art every day. See a movie, read, dance (even if it's by yourself), write...
20 - Keeping your house and space organized, does help you feel happier.
21 - Take time for yourself.
22 - Take time to be with friends.
23 - It is okay to remove people from your life who are toxic. It doesn't make you a bad person.
24 - Don't be afraid open your heart, even if you know it means getting hurt, it will still be worth it later.
25 - Love as much as you can. Give when you can. Laugh whenever you can.
These are the things that I have learned in my life so far. I know I have many more lessons to learn. The most important lesson I've learned, and I talk about it often, is love. You can never give or receive enough of it. So toss it around.
1 - The ability to read is a powerful tool, and can take you wonderful places
2 - Sometimes you have to just go for it. There will never be a right time for anything.
3 - Love in any form is the most painful and heartbreaking thing you will ever give, or receive.
4 - Love in any form is the most beautiful thing you will ever give, or receive.
5 - Mom always means the best, even when it doesn't feel that way.
6 - Having the feeling of family is extremely important.
7 - People do not have to be blood to be family.
8 - Friends that are real friends, give just as much as they take.
9 - Having a job that pays well means nothing if you are unhappy, and your health is at risk.
10 - Learning to cook at least basic things, will save you money and is relaxing.
11 - Take your health seriously.
12 - It's okay to be easily entertained, it just means you get to laugh more.
13 - Truly listening to others when they speak will open up your world.
14 - Money can buy a lot of things, but at the end of the day they are still just things.
15 - Pet's are wonderful! If you aren't allergic, get one. They help you see a whole new side of yourself.
16 - Leave your work, at work.
17 - Your parent's are right about many things they said when you were a kid.
18 - Invest in your life. Yes, things are just things, but when buying something spend the extra money on something that will last, rather than the cheaper thing that will break just a few months from now.
19 - Find a way to indulge in art every day. See a movie, read, dance (even if it's by yourself), write...
20 - Keeping your house and space organized, does help you feel happier.
21 - Take time for yourself.
22 - Take time to be with friends.
23 - It is okay to remove people from your life who are toxic. It doesn't make you a bad person.
24 - Don't be afraid open your heart, even if you know it means getting hurt, it will still be worth it later.
25 - Love as much as you can. Give when you can. Laugh whenever you can.
These are the things that I have learned in my life so far. I know I have many more lessons to learn. The most important lesson I've learned, and I talk about it often, is love. You can never give or receive enough of it. So toss it around.
Monday, August 4, 2014
100 days of Happy
Some days being positive can seem like and extremely difficult task. But as I have said in the past, now matter how bad a day can be there is always one bright light in it.
Many of you I'm sure have seen the #100daysofhappy on instagram by now. Through reading her blog my future sister-in-law and one of her friends have invited people to join them. As well as her cousin. I have decided that I am going to join them as well.
Paige (the cousin) has also added another piece to it. To not only make it about being happy but being more positive in general. This would include resisting the temptation to read, some of those very nasty, negative lists that are so often reposted on people's Facebook walls. I.e. "14 most embarrassing pregnancy photos," or "33 Who Shouldn't be Allowed on the Planet." You get the point. Her idea was to spend more time sharing joy and stories with others. Not judging other incessantly.
So feel free to join us! You can follow my Instagram @bryanadelaney. Let's get positively happy!
Many of you I'm sure have seen the #100daysofhappy on instagram by now. Through reading her blog my future sister-in-law and one of her friends have invited people to join them. As well as her cousin. I have decided that I am going to join them as well.
Paige (the cousin) has also added another piece to it. To not only make it about being happy but being more positive in general. This would include resisting the temptation to read, some of those very nasty, negative lists that are so often reposted on people's Facebook walls. I.e. "14 most embarrassing pregnancy photos," or "33 Who Shouldn't be Allowed on the Planet." You get the point. Her idea was to spend more time sharing joy and stories with others. Not judging other incessantly.
So feel free to join us! You can follow my Instagram @bryanadelaney. Let's get positively happy!
Friday, August 1, 2014
Needing and Loving Family is Okay
The past few weeks, last week especially, have been very difficult. My grandfather was sent to the hospital a few weeks ago with a partially collapsed lung. He was in for two weeks before they finally sent him home. Except that it was too soon. Less than 48 hours later my aunt was calling 911 because he couldn't breath, this time his lung had fully collapsed. I can't go into the rest of the details, because thinking about it sends me to tears, but we almost lost him, more than once.
A week before all of this I had purchased a plane ticket to see my family in the following month. It was everything I had to either not change the ticket, or at one point I was seconds away from buying a Greyhound (and I HATE Greyhound) ticket to leave at 4:00 in the morning. I would have only been there for 9 hours or so, but wasn't about to care. I luckily talked myself out of it.
Being away from my family in a time like this was one of the worst feelings I have ever had in my life. What's worse is that for days I almost felt numb. I work at a cupcake shop, so I had to be extra happy and cheerful, when all I wanted to do was crawl into my bed, or run to Nevada as fast as I could. One day I was just too angry about the whole situation, so I repeatedly threw a rubber duck at my bathroom wall and cried. No amount of talking about it made me feel better. I wanted him to get better, and I wanted nothing more than hug my grandmother, aunt and cousins.
But an amazing revelation came out of this for me. I love my family, and they are an part of me.
I know you're thinking "well yeah, of course you do. Everyone loves at least some part of their family," and yes that is true. Most people have either blood family or friend they consider family, and yes I have never not loved my family. But let me explain.
For a few years now, I have been struggling with the relationships in my family. Mostly in the family I grew up with. We have a bit of a complicated history, and sometimes I think it skews my view of my family. They are all wonderful people with hearts of gold. My parents raised me with kindness and compassion, while also coming down on us when needed. My siblings while both very different, are very similar in how they treat their friends, and their family. They would do anything, for any one of them. My brother and I are the more outgoing ones and have always been able to easily make friends. My sister while shy, is still immediately loved by so many people. We all fought like crazy as kids, but when push came to shove we loved each other, because there were times when it when it felt like it was just the five of us, and that was all we had. Each other, and our bajillion animals. Now when I'm separated from them, I feel like so much is missing. As I have told both my aunt and grandfather this past week, it's like a piece of my heart just isn't there, something is always missing.
My Nevada family is just as important to me, and while I have only known them for a few years, almost five exactly, when I'm away from them it hurts just as much as when I'm away from my parents and siblings. I am always trying to figure out when the next time I will see my family is. Always.
Now I don't say all of this out of sadness. I say this out of a pure joy that I can say comfortably, that my family does and always will have a big part of my heart. I have tried to deny that part of myself for a very long time. I have tried to convince myself that I was almost a loner (with the exception of the boy). While I love my family and love seeing them, I was convinced I didn't need to make those trips as often as I do. Each member of my family has a part in what has made me the person that I am today, so in that sense they are part of me. In my perfect world my whole family would live in Nevada (Yes Nevada because I don't like Pennsylvania) and I could see them all easily and at the same time. Be quiet, a girl can dream.
The boy is the only person in this world who can make me feel better about missing family. I truly believe that is because the two of us have started our family. To be clear our TWO person family, there are no babies on the way, unless you count guinea pigs. We have begun to form our own family bond and I can't imagine not having him by my side through everything, or me being by his side. I can't wait for our family to grow, even if it's just animals for now.
I know that many people are not as fortunate as I am in this way. While the two major pieces of my family have never met, they are so similar in how they treat people. With never wavering, kindness and love. I am more than happy to say that I grew from that. We may not always agree with each others decisions but the love and support is always there.
Go hug your family. Whether they be friends you call family, or your blood, you need them more than you realize. And ya know something? That's okay. God gave us families for a reason.
A week before all of this I had purchased a plane ticket to see my family in the following month. It was everything I had to either not change the ticket, or at one point I was seconds away from buying a Greyhound (and I HATE Greyhound) ticket to leave at 4:00 in the morning. I would have only been there for 9 hours or so, but wasn't about to care. I luckily talked myself out of it.
Being away from my family in a time like this was one of the worst feelings I have ever had in my life. What's worse is that for days I almost felt numb. I work at a cupcake shop, so I had to be extra happy and cheerful, when all I wanted to do was crawl into my bed, or run to Nevada as fast as I could. One day I was just too angry about the whole situation, so I repeatedly threw a rubber duck at my bathroom wall and cried. No amount of talking about it made me feel better. I wanted him to get better, and I wanted nothing more than hug my grandmother, aunt and cousins.
But an amazing revelation came out of this for me. I love my family, and they are an part of me.
I know you're thinking "well yeah, of course you do. Everyone loves at least some part of their family," and yes that is true. Most people have either blood family or friend they consider family, and yes I have never not loved my family. But let me explain.
For a few years now, I have been struggling with the relationships in my family. Mostly in the family I grew up with. We have a bit of a complicated history, and sometimes I think it skews my view of my family. They are all wonderful people with hearts of gold. My parents raised me with kindness and compassion, while also coming down on us when needed. My siblings while both very different, are very similar in how they treat their friends, and their family. They would do anything, for any one of them. My brother and I are the more outgoing ones and have always been able to easily make friends. My sister while shy, is still immediately loved by so many people. We all fought like crazy as kids, but when push came to shove we loved each other, because there were times when it when it felt like it was just the five of us, and that was all we had. Each other, and our bajillion animals. Now when I'm separated from them, I feel like so much is missing. As I have told both my aunt and grandfather this past week, it's like a piece of my heart just isn't there, something is always missing.
My Nevada family is just as important to me, and while I have only known them for a few years, almost five exactly, when I'm away from them it hurts just as much as when I'm away from my parents and siblings. I am always trying to figure out when the next time I will see my family is. Always.
Now I don't say all of this out of sadness. I say this out of a pure joy that I can say comfortably, that my family does and always will have a big part of my heart. I have tried to deny that part of myself for a very long time. I have tried to convince myself that I was almost a loner (with the exception of the boy). While I love my family and love seeing them, I was convinced I didn't need to make those trips as often as I do. Each member of my family has a part in what has made me the person that I am today, so in that sense they are part of me. In my perfect world my whole family would live in Nevada (Yes Nevada because I don't like Pennsylvania) and I could see them all easily and at the same time. Be quiet, a girl can dream.
The boy is the only person in this world who can make me feel better about missing family. I truly believe that is because the two of us have started our family. To be clear our TWO person family, there are no babies on the way, unless you count guinea pigs. We have begun to form our own family bond and I can't imagine not having him by my side through everything, or me being by his side. I can't wait for our family to grow, even if it's just animals for now.
I know that many people are not as fortunate as I am in this way. While the two major pieces of my family have never met, they are so similar in how they treat people. With never wavering, kindness and love. I am more than happy to say that I grew from that. We may not always agree with each others decisions but the love and support is always there.
Go hug your family. Whether they be friends you call family, or your blood, you need them more than you realize. And ya know something? That's okay. God gave us families for a reason.
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