Body Image Monday - Healthy is the New Skinny

Haven't written one of these in forever! I am excited and slightly anxious for this post. This is a post I have thought about doing for well over a year but have finally mustered up to courage to do so.

In my past blogs I have spoken about loving your body. I think I've talked more about being comfortable enough to just not wear make-up than anything else. But positive body image is so much more than that, you need to be comfortable with your whole self.

Healthy is the New Skinny is a company that is dedicated to encouraging women to love the body they are in by promoting self love. They even have a sweatshirt that reads "operating on self-love." The intent is to show woman that your size and scale number does not matter. The important thing is to love yourself enough to take care of yourself the best way that you can. This includes eating healthily and exercising. But they strive to point out that every human body is different (and that BMI scales are essentially bullshit), and are working towards a goal of getting our media to start sharing this too.

I started following their Instagram account last year. I don't always look at Instagram everyday, but every time I do this is the first account I check. I love the inspiration behind it. I will talk a lot about body positivity, but I am extremely self conscious when it comes to my weight. The other day I put on a dress and it was a little shorter than something I wear on a regular basis. I must have asked my fiance 3 or 4 times before leaving the house if it looked like it was too much. I had shorts underneath and everything was covered, but that didn't matter, and it didn't matter that I looked damn adorable in it either.

Throughout the day I kept thinking people were judging me, when in reality it was all just me. Me being completely self conscious over the only body that I have. Stressing so much that I could barely enjoy my day.

Now I'm not a big person by any means, but I'm also not a tiny person (not including height here) either. I do the best that I can to take care of myself. I try to eat good, healthy, nutrient packed meals and walk when I can. December through April this year I was off work due to an injury sustained on the job, and I gained quite a bit of weight. While I think I've lost some of it, it doesn't stop me from over-analyzing that extra pudge on my belly.

Cut to summer time. I love bikini's, and  I have always loved to wear them. I enjoy trying to get as much sun as possible (don't worry sunscreen is worn!). But I would never let someone post a picture of me in one, and this year in an effort to cover up the weight I had gained while being on leave, I bought a tankini to cover up the offensive extra 10 pounds. Don't get me wrong the swimsuit is cute. But I got it for all the wrong reasons. I bought the swimsuit so as not to risk "offending" others while I'm hanging out at the pool. In reality the only person I was hurting was myself.

I was denying myself an relaxing time laying in the sun by the pool simply because I was afraid of something that I had very little control over. Like I said before I try my best to take care of myself, the best that I know how. There are new lessons every day. Why should I be afraid to put on my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle bikini because I am afraid of judgement. Screw that I want my stomach to just as much of a tan as my upper body has!

Finally, I had the boy take this picture yesterday. Why? Because I wanted finally show the world that this is what I look like in a bikini. I am definitely afraid of putting this out there, but I wanted say "hey! This is me. This is my body and I am still learning to love it for everything that it is."

Because life is too short not to enjoy the skin you're in. Because I want girls and women everywhere to embrace their own beauty.

Wanna join me? Throw on your favorite swimsuit (doesn't have to be a bikini) and post it Instagram with the hashtag #girlgang and #healthyisthenewskinny, and join the movement.

Name Change

Hello all! So I've made a few changes. I truly apologize to those of you that do read this blog that I have been horrible about writing. Truth be told up until about April it was painful for me to spend any significant period of time typing. And by significant I mean anything longer than 5 minutes. After that I was feeling pretty lost with the blog because I had written in so long, and I really haven't been sure of the direction I wanted to take things.

 I enjoy writing about the positive happenings from my weeks or days, and promoting positive body image. Recently, some of my friends have suggested that I start a food blog (I make up a lot of random recipes). I am also slightly in love with anything that has to do with fairy tales, and I find most kids movies funnier than most adult movies. Occasionally, when something in the world gets to me I like to speak my piece on it. So, with those pieces of information in mind I decided that I basically wanted to keep things the same, but I wanted/needed the name to reflect me a little more. 

I believe that hope, along with love, are two of the strongest things we have. That no matter how tough life seems to be, true hope will keep you moving towards whatever it is you are working for. Whether that be a new job, a health goal, or something as simple as properly placing that thumb tack to hold up your calendar.

I am going to try this whole blogging thing again. The posts will be similar to the one's I've posted before, but I hope to fearlessly show you my true self the best that I can through the interwebs.

14 Things I Am Grateful for in 2014

Hello Blogworld! I started this in December and haven't spent a whole lot of time typing on my computer for the last six months.  I've become extremely lazy with this, also been I've working on a stupid neck and shoulder injury, but that's another story. So with that I thought I would like to bring back the 3 Things, that I initially stole from my future sister-in-law, and start if off with the 14 things I am grateful for in 2014, in no particular order.

1 - We're Engaged - Thomas proposed to me on on April 21 of  last year. I was completely shocked, when he asked and could not be more excited to spend the rest of my life with this guy. Your significant other does not necessarily have to be your best friend, but he is mine, and I am excited for the adventures to come.

2 - Felix - My future sister and brother-in-law had their first baby in November, and I could not be more excited. I still haven't met him, but I know I will get to and I can't wait to snuggle that child until he's sick of me. So far I have seen he is one of the most chill babies on the planet.

3 - Going Home - After over a year and half, I got to go home in March of last year. It was a two week visit, and it was very nice. However, being there also solidified that, while Pennsylvania will always be a nice visit for me, but I am perfectly okay never living there again. I always miss my family, but we are so good and staying connected to each other via phone that it doesn't hurt quite so much anymore.

4 - Guinea Pigs - We adopted our first pets this year. Darla and Lola, our guinea pigs. We ended up getting more than we bargained for with them, but they are so much fun. They each have two vastly different personalities, and they have helped me out in more ways than you would think a little rodent ever could.

5 - Holidays with Friends - As we have every year for the past few years, we hosted big Thanksgiving dinner in our apartment. I am always exhausted by the end of it, but it is becoming my favorite day of the year. Our friends Cait and Jewcy hosted a Christmas at their house this year, which was awesome. One it was awesome not having to do much on a holiday, as an adult I'm learning that spending the holidays with friends is more than okay. I'm looking forward to future Christmas's with our friends.

6 - My Grandfather Surviving - In July we nearly lost my grandfather twice. I am very close to him, my aunt, and my grandmother. It was a scary time, but that man is a beast. He pulled through a very difficult situation, and is still with us today. I could not be more thankful for that.

7 - Tough Times as a couple - August started a very rough few months for us, especially financially. I was injured on the job and was in and out of the doctors, and was constantly leaving work early due to severe pain. He was laid of at the end of the month. But through it we realized as a couple how little material things meant to us. At the end of each day we still manage to keep ourselves fed, a roof over our heads, and we have each other. No matter what we can make it.

8 - My brother visiting/then joining the air force - My baby brother was the first of my family members to visit me last year and it was awesome. He wanted to make sure he spent time with me before he went to the airforce so he flew out to LA to visit me, and we flew home together. Siblings are the coolest sometimes.

9 - Coming to an understanding in my own personal faith - This a long story, that may be placed better in it's own blog. For years I have been trying to fully for what exactly it is that I believe. I've known I've believed and God and Jesus, but trying to to follow the way I felt like I was told to was very difficult for me. I have come to terms with how I want to handle it and I am grateful for that. My relationship with God is better than anyone telling me how it should be.

10 - Making the push for acting - While I had to cancel it due to injury I did get an LA Casting account. I was submitting for auditions. Even though I am on hold for right now, it felt really good to finally do it.

11 - Chris moving to LA - A good friend that I had done several shows with in Pennsylvania, made a fairly unplanned move to Los Angeles. I was needless to say selfishly ecstatic. He now lives 15 minutes away from me! Yay Chris!

12 - Staying in a day job for more than a year with no intentions of leaving - I am still at the cupcake place and I still enjoy it. There is only one job I would even consider leaving it for. But the people are wonderful and the company is a legitimately wonderful company!

13 - Became more comfortable with my body - I still have a long way to go with this. However, I have become much more accepting of my self. I am a relatively small person in stature, but I will never be a size two. Never. And that is okay. I want to try to create new projects with  my friends, in order to put all body types out there. I have a few projects up my sleeve to help with that.

14 - My apartment complex - I really like my apartment. They are doing amazing renovations. And it's rent controlled. So basically we are going to stay here forever.

Okay I will try to be better, and start in with Body Image Monday's again. But it happens when it happens. If there is anything in particular you think I should talk about, comment below and we'll see if we can make it happen! Good luck for the next 11 months of 2015 y'all.

Taking Time to Just Be Together

Normally on Monday's I try to write about healthy body image but, I'm in Nevada, and am very emotional. More than I have ever been before being here. I've probably cried at least three times since being here, for happy and sad reasons. No one has really seen it, I'm a crier, but I don't typically like to cry in front of people. But the reason I am writing this is because I think, that this has been my favorite trip here so far. Because for several reasons, we have had so much time to just be.

As I have said before, I love my family. All of them and they're all very spread out, so I have to make visits to many places. Every time I go somewhere, we are all trying to make these big plans of what we are going to do, in order to get the most out of the always, short time that we have. This trip was different, and I couldn't have loved it more.

My Gramps is still healing from his lung collapse and will be for awhile, so he has to take it very easy, and he needs someone to watch out for him during the day time. Going into this trip I knew there would be plenty of down time, while I didn't fully realize just how much, I was perfectly fine with it. First, downtime not due to injury was fantastic, second, I got to really just hang out with my aunt and grandparents. I got to just be in the same room as them. With everything that has happened I think that was something I at least, really needed.

The second I got off the plane I was looking around and smiling. When I saw my aunt, and then hugged her it was everything I had to not be the big pile of mush that I am. The joy was just exploding from my heart. If I wouldn't have looked like a fool I would have been dancing all over the place. I almost did.

Most of this trip was sitting around watching TV and taking naps. My aunt and I went out to eat a few times, but this was really just about being in each others company. We had conversation, about random odds and ends, but the feeling I have when with any members of my family (both mine and his) is almost on a spiritual level. We are able to just sit in the same room as each other and feel the love that is so very present. Talk about life, and whatever we are watching. It is truly beautiful.

Making the most out of visits is important, but it doesn't mean that you must be on the go the whole time, trying to create memories. Sometimes the best memories are made when you allow yourself to just be with each other, cherish the time you have, because it always comes to an end, and your regular life has to start again. So while you can, just love on each other, and know that you will see them again soon.

5 Things for traveling yesterday

I'm in Nevada for an extended weekend. So a few things happy things from yesterday.

1 - Short breakfast dates with the boy - We only went to McDonald's, but I wasn't going to see him before I left for the airport, so we left the house a little earlier than I normally would have. So we got to have good conversation before I went to work.

2 - So many friendly people - This is phenomenon in L.A. As my fiance will tell you that is the thing I struggle with the most. The lack of friendliness in L.A. And maybe it was because I was leaving the city for the weekend so I didn't care as much. But my Uber driver, was a wonderful father of two from Sri Lanka, and our conversation instilled some inspiration in me. Then I was able to strike up conversations several other people, include a two southwest baggage guys, and two people on my flight.

3 - The extreme joy I felt getting off the plane - I think the last time I felt this much sincere joy, was either right after we were engaged. I love being here!

4 - Chloe Clawdashian - This is what my Auntie calls her cat. It's pretty great, this cat has so much personality, and I love that in a kitty. She plays fetch!

5 - Late dinners - My aunt and I headed to Bully's and had a late dinner and caught up on what's been happening in the almost YEAR since I've been here. I will always cherish these moments.

Body Image Monday - What About the Guys?

Many of the articles you see about body image tend to focus on "the real woman." First off this is crap. We're all real people therefore we are real women. We all struggle and succeed in different and similar ways. Just because you are curvier doesn't give you the right to say you are more real than the skinny girl next to you. But with all of the body image encouragement women give to each other, there seems to be someone we have forgotten. Our gender opposites. The guys.

Yes ladies, believe or not men too struggle with positive body image. When they put on a few pounds, even though they don't show it in the same way we do, they become frustrated and feel down on themselves. Some call themselves fat, just like we do. Men too live in a world where their body expectations are unrealistic. Do you know who the main proprietors of said expectations are? Us.

Now I know some of you will be a bit defensive, and say "well they expect that of us too," except that is the problem. We complain about men's unrealistic expectation of ourselves, but we turn around and do the same thing. Admit it, when you saw the second Thor movie you ogled Chris Hemsworth during that showering bit. I did a little. But I won't lie, I'm glad my guy is not a muscley body builder. I find him extremely attractive as he is.

I have had many conversations with some of my single women friends over the past few weeks about men they were seeing or that they were into. The first thing many of them describe is how he looks, and how built or not built he is. If the man is built, they say "he is super hot, and tall, with huge muscles." If he's a little more on the average side of physicality, "he's okay, but he's very nice." When we describe a man in the second way, it seems like we are defending our reasoning for liking him because he doesn't fit the popular expectation. Now here's my question, why is a guy considered "hot," just because he happens to be built? Just like, why is a woman considered "hot," just because she happens to be skinny? *There should be no standard as to what makes a person beautiful or attractive, everyone is attracted to different things, do not apologize for it.

(*Marks added piece from earlier post.)

Believe it or not, men really are dealing with the same issue we are. They too see magazine covers in stores everyday, of "ripped" men and feel that they have a standard to live up to in order to get or please women. There are cologne ads that tell them, they need to look a certain way in order to find love. The gross truth about our society is that your natural body figure is not accepted no matter what gender you are. This is not to say that guys who are built are ugly, don't get things twisted. But some people just do not have that type of body, plus many of those male models are airbrushed to give them more abs.

It is time that we encourage our male counterparts as well as each other. Let them know that they too, are beautiful (Or handsome, which ever they prefer) as they are. That body builder or not, they do not need to live up to some silly magazine cover, and super hero film expectations to be attractive. That like us, they should strive to be healthy, not perfect.

If someday we all pull together in this, maybe someday we will be able to change the way modeling agencies look at people, and someday stop all of the airbrushing and editing. People in general are beautiful, the computer doesn't need to make it that way.

Check out this Huffpost article about real men posing in underwear ads. I think these guys make just as awesome models as the professionals.

25 Things I Have Learned So Far

As my 25th birthday approaches (in minutes now) I decided to make a short list of the 25 things that I have learned, that I have helped me get this far. I guess you could say the best lesson's I have personally learned. I'm not going to go into detail, but instead let you take them as you will.

1 - The ability to read is a powerful tool, and can take you wonderful places
2 - Sometimes you have to just go for it. There will never be a right time for anything.
3 - Love in any form is the most painful and heartbreaking thing you will ever give, or receive.
4 - Love in any form is the most beautiful thing you will ever give, or receive.
5 - Mom always means the best, even when it doesn't feel that way.
6 - Having the feeling of family is extremely important.
7 - People do not have to be blood to be family.
8 - Friends that are real friends, give just as much as they take.
9 - Having a job that pays well means nothing if you are unhappy, and your health is at risk.
10 - Learning to cook at least basic things, will save you money and is relaxing.
11 - Take your health seriously.
12 - It's okay to be easily entertained, it just means you get to laugh more.
13 - Truly listening to others when they speak will open up your world.
14 - Money can buy a lot of things, but at the end of the day they are still just things.
15 - Pet's are wonderful! If you aren't allergic, get one. They help you see a whole new side of yourself.
16 - Leave your work, at work.
17 - Your parent's are right about many things they said when you were a kid.
18 - Invest in your life. Yes, things are just things, but when buying something spend the extra money on something that will last, rather than the cheaper thing that will break just a few months from now.
19 - Find a way to indulge in art every day. See a movie, read, dance (even if it's by yourself), write...
20 - Keeping your house and space organized, does help you feel happier.
21 - Take time for yourself.
22 - Take time to be with friends.
23 - It is okay to remove people from your life who are toxic. It doesn't make you a bad person.
24 - Don't be afraid open your heart, even if you know it means getting hurt, it will still be worth it later.
25 - Love as much as you can. Give when you can. Laugh whenever you can.

These are the things that I have learned in my life so far. I know I have many more lessons to learn. The most important lesson I've learned, and I talk about it often, is love. You can never give or receive enough of it. So toss it around.