The Fiance - This man puts up with a lot of crap from me. I sometimes feel like he has Saint like qualities. I have been sick for the past few weeks and he has done nothing but stay by my side the entire time. Getting me everything I need and sitting with me until I feel better. I am an extremely lucky woman to have this one with me, his support really gets me through some tough stuff. Right now all I want is my family and he has been dealing with a lot of late night talks and emotions because of it. And he never wavers. He is a real trooper! Also he said yes to "Beauty and the Beast" being our first dance song...score...I don't know if that's what we'll actually do, I have multiple ideas for that.
The Lego Movie - Everything is Awesooomme! You need to see this movie. It really is one of the most brilliant kids movies I have ever seen, and it helped pull me out of a slump at least a little bit. If anything see if for Morgan Freeman.
Darla can jump - and she can jump a pretty good distance. It's really impressive actually. While giving her a bath last week, she launched herself out of the sink! Thank goodness the boy had been there or I we would not have a piggie any more.
Letters from Mom - My mother and I have a mildly complicated relationship. But she is one of my favorite people. I have been going through a lot emotionally lately and she wrote a letter that was just perfect for it. I cried of course, but loved it none the less.
I'm going back to school - I applied Santa Monica city college and am going to school for Computer Applications online. I probably will start in September, but I couldn't be more excited!
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Monday, June 16, 2014
Body Image Monday - Being Who You Love to Be, Not Who You "Should" Be
So I've been engaged for about two months now, which is absolutely awesome. I love the man I'm going to marry, there is no question he is my best friend. The wedding isn't going to be for about two years, which we know seems so far, but in another realm it really isn't.
Here's the thing about getting engaged. It involves planning a wedding. I have no idea what I am doing. Hell I've only been to one, maybe two weddings in my life.
Now you're probably thinking "why the heck is she talking about her wedding? What does this have to do with body image?" Right? I'm getting there.
In looking for wedding idea's I am constantly seeing posts by people or businesses telling me what I must do to have successful wedding. For me that makes me want to gag. I pretty much hate it when someone tells me I have to do something, it makes me resist it. Not when it comes to being an adult and being responsible. But for things like, you need to lose 10 pounds to look good on camera...kiss my ass.
All of this wedding stuff made me realize one thing about myself. In life I tend to get caught up in what and who I am told I should be, verses loving who I already am.
Society often dictates that we should, look, dress and feel certain ways all of the time. I often have thoughts that I should be dressing differently when I'm not at work. Maybe I should try to dress up more when I go somewhere with friends? The truth is I am happiest in a pair of shorts/jeans and a t-shirt or tank top. I have plenty of nicer shirts or tank tops that are perfectly acceptable for going out. But so I often I find myself comparing myself to other women. "Oh she's in a dress and heels, maybe I should be doing the same thing, trying harder."
There are certain occasions where I will get dressed up because said occasion calls for it. But the truth is, for a night at the bar, hanging out with friends, or date night, I am most comfortable wearing jeans, and flats or flip flops. The problem is I become self conscious once I see what everyone else is wearing. For the most part I am usually perfectly presentable, but that doesn't stop me from thinking I should be something else, something more.
What this says to me is that I am not fully comfortable with not only how I dress, but who I am in general. I focus that energy into what I should be doing, instead of doing what makes me feel good about myself. I know I am not alone in this, and I think this kind of thing feeds directly into how we view our bodies. "The girl on the cover of Vogues looks like this, so should I," sort of mentality. Or "she's always in nice dresses, and high heels, I should do that too so people take me more seriously." Come on ladies you know you have had these thoughts. If you say you haven't you are probably lying. If you really haven't then good for you! I mean it. I'm sure men struggle with these things as well, but I'm not a man therefore couldn't tell you.
Being comfortable with yourself, your style and your personality is just as important as being comfortable in your body. They all directly feed each other. Our culture has a true love of trying to turn us all into conforming robots. We all need to look like the latest hot celeb in order to feel good about ourselves. That's just not true. We need to embrace ourselves for who we are. Including things or hobbies that you love.
You should not feel the need to make excuses for why you love something. You love because you just do. Sometimes that really is the only excuse. I get really intense during Steeler games. I love Disney everything. Stupid memes, Despicable Me, singing chickens all make me laugh uncontrollably. I love dogs to the point where I squeal almost every time I see one. These are just few traits that I know some people find off putting, but others find it perfectly endearing.
I'm an easily amused, sometimes childish, emotional, loving, almost 25 year old. I am learning to love myself for who I am.
This doesn't mean you shouldn't be open to growth, just so we're clear. But grow in ways that make you uniquely you! Don't change to make someone happy, unless it's something that will benefit your life and will make you truly happy as well. Ways that help you love who you already are, even more.
Here's the thing about getting engaged. It involves planning a wedding. I have no idea what I am doing. Hell I've only been to one, maybe two weddings in my life.
Now you're probably thinking "why the heck is she talking about her wedding? What does this have to do with body image?" Right? I'm getting there.
In looking for wedding idea's I am constantly seeing posts by people or businesses telling me what I must do to have successful wedding. For me that makes me want to gag. I pretty much hate it when someone tells me I have to do something, it makes me resist it. Not when it comes to being an adult and being responsible. But for things like, you need to lose 10 pounds to look good on camera...kiss my ass.
All of this wedding stuff made me realize one thing about myself. In life I tend to get caught up in what and who I am told I should be, verses loving who I already am.
Society often dictates that we should, look, dress and feel certain ways all of the time. I often have thoughts that I should be dressing differently when I'm not at work. Maybe I should try to dress up more when I go somewhere with friends? The truth is I am happiest in a pair of shorts/jeans and a t-shirt or tank top. I have plenty of nicer shirts or tank tops that are perfectly acceptable for going out. But so I often I find myself comparing myself to other women. "Oh she's in a dress and heels, maybe I should be doing the same thing, trying harder."
There are certain occasions where I will get dressed up because said occasion calls for it. But the truth is, for a night at the bar, hanging out with friends, or date night, I am most comfortable wearing jeans, and flats or flip flops. The problem is I become self conscious once I see what everyone else is wearing. For the most part I am usually perfectly presentable, but that doesn't stop me from thinking I should be something else, something more.
What this says to me is that I am not fully comfortable with not only how I dress, but who I am in general. I focus that energy into what I should be doing, instead of doing what makes me feel good about myself. I know I am not alone in this, and I think this kind of thing feeds directly into how we view our bodies. "The girl on the cover of Vogues looks like this, so should I," sort of mentality. Or "she's always in nice dresses, and high heels, I should do that too so people take me more seriously." Come on ladies you know you have had these thoughts. If you say you haven't you are probably lying. If you really haven't then good for you! I mean it. I'm sure men struggle with these things as well, but I'm not a man therefore couldn't tell you.
Being comfortable with yourself, your style and your personality is just as important as being comfortable in your body. They all directly feed each other. Our culture has a true love of trying to turn us all into conforming robots. We all need to look like the latest hot celeb in order to feel good about ourselves. That's just not true. We need to embrace ourselves for who we are. Including things or hobbies that you love.
You should not feel the need to make excuses for why you love something. You love because you just do. Sometimes that really is the only excuse. I get really intense during Steeler games. I love Disney everything. Stupid memes, Despicable Me, singing chickens all make me laugh uncontrollably. I love dogs to the point where I squeal almost every time I see one. These are just few traits that I know some people find off putting, but others find it perfectly endearing.
I'm an easily amused, sometimes childish, emotional, loving, almost 25 year old. I am learning to love myself for who I am.
This doesn't mean you shouldn't be open to growth, just so we're clear. But grow in ways that make you uniquely you! Don't change to make someone happy, unless it's something that will benefit your life and will make you truly happy as well. Ways that help you love who you already are, even more.
Monday, May 12, 2014
Body Image Monday - The Intro
My whole life, or at least since I was a teenager, I have struggled greatly with body image issues. I have never been "big," but there were points where I have carried a little more weight that I would like to. Now I'm fighting back against that mindset, that I continually struggle with. We don't have a scale in our house, and I will probably keep it that way, because sometimes that number can be frightening, even if you look perfectly fine as you are. The number you see on a scale can make distort the image you see in the mirror.
For the majority of the past century our society through the power of media has dictated what should actually be perceived as beautiful, for both men and women. If you don't look like that person on the cover of that magazine, then you aren't doing something right and you should take efforts to fix yourself. That is the message we are being sold. And we buy it, all of us. Because we are told that to be desirable, you have to look like this. Well ya know what? I have belly and my fiance finds me plenty attractive. Oh and even without make-up too!
We spend countless dollars on make-up to hide our flaws. Now I have been very blessed in the skin department. I have great clear skin, the only breaks out every once in awhile. So I know that this is a struggle for many people who have and do have acne, so that I won't comment on. Because, well really I have no right. But for those girls, (and guys) like myself who do have great skin...what the hell are we trying to hide, or amplify. We need to let our beauty speak for itself. Don't get me wrong I love a good lipstick and eye liner, but I personally need to get into the mind set of "I'm doing this because I want to," not because I feel I have to to please everyone around me.
I am all for exercise and clean eating, it does make you feel better, and if your body type needs it, will help you lose weight, or in some cases gain it. I'm also for gussing up using make-up, but not as a life force.
My goal from here on out is for Monday's to be Body Image Monday's. If you have a particular issue you would like to see be discussed let me know. Or a person you think should be spotlit for their efforts for healthy body image, tell me about them. This is a fight we are all in together. Things are getting better, but we all can strive for a little more appreciation for how beautiful people truly are.
So for today, celebrate your body. If you're naturally thin, curvy, whatever your body type. Love yourself, it's the only one you get!
For the majority of the past century our society through the power of media has dictated what should actually be perceived as beautiful, for both men and women. If you don't look like that person on the cover of that magazine, then you aren't doing something right and you should take efforts to fix yourself. That is the message we are being sold. And we buy it, all of us. Because we are told that to be desirable, you have to look like this. Well ya know what? I have belly and my fiance finds me plenty attractive. Oh and even without make-up too!
We spend countless dollars on make-up to hide our flaws. Now I have been very blessed in the skin department. I have great clear skin, the only breaks out every once in awhile. So I know that this is a struggle for many people who have and do have acne, so that I won't comment on. Because, well really I have no right. But for those girls, (and guys) like myself who do have great skin...what the hell are we trying to hide, or amplify. We need to let our beauty speak for itself. Don't get me wrong I love a good lipstick and eye liner, but I personally need to get into the mind set of "I'm doing this because I want to," not because I feel I have to to please everyone around me.
I am all for exercise and clean eating, it does make you feel better, and if your body type needs it, will help you lose weight, or in some cases gain it. I'm also for gussing up using make-up, but not as a life force.
My goal from here on out is for Monday's to be Body Image Monday's. If you have a particular issue you would like to see be discussed let me know. Or a person you think should be spotlit for their efforts for healthy body image, tell me about them. This is a fight we are all in together. Things are getting better, but we all can strive for a little more appreciation for how beautiful people truly are.
So for today, celebrate your body. If you're naturally thin, curvy, whatever your body type. Love yourself, it's the only one you get!
Sunday, May 4, 2014
We're Engaged!
Ok so I stayed off of here this past week, because I have a big mouth! It was really hard for me to keep this a secret...but we're engaged! And really could not be happier! So this weeks highlights are going to be based around engagementy stuff.
1 - Talking to Barbara right after she was told - Her reaction has easily been then best, I am so excited to get to talk wedding stuff with her. Because one, I am clueless, I mean I have ideas and a handy dandy planner but, I have no clue how this works. Also she is officially going to be my sister (in-law) and that makes me even more excited.
2 - My sisters minor panic - My little sister will be my maid of honor. When I called her earlier this week just to talk in general, she was having some what of an anxiety, not necessarily in a bad way, so it was cute. She, like me, has no clue how this will all go down, but we're sisters so we will learn together.
3 - Slowly announcing it at work - I work in a cupcake shop, with a bunch of women, so naturally there was going to be a reaction. The two that I'm closest too freaked out, and it was great.
4 - The ring - The ring was originally his mothers, so when he proposed, it didn't exactly fit. So we had to get it sized. It is now on my finger and looks gorgeous. It meant so much to me that his mother gave him this ring to give to me. Janet and I are very close. I sometimes hear stories about women who don't get a long with their mother-in-law and I love that it is just the opposite with her. She is an amazing woman and mother, so to know that she once wore this ring means the world to me.
5 - Announcing it on Facebook - Holy cow! I did not see that coming. We had a huge out-pouring of love and congratulations from people. It was slightly overwhelming. Personally with our history I think a lot of people, that we went to college with were just excited to see our relationship becoming officially forever.
6 - Engagement Bliss - Is there such a thing? If there is we are definitely in it, and are taking full advantage of this time right now. In a few months we will have to start planning a wedding. So it's nice that for now, we can just be a newly engaged, happy couple.
Thank you to everyone that has given us support this week, and over the crazy years of our relationship. Not everyone gets to meet there person, by the time they are 17, and 19 but I feel so blessed that we are one of those. I love the family that I am officially joining and can't wait for the wedding (in 2+ years) to celebrate!
Sunday, April 27, 2014
4 Things today
My Boy's fries - The boyfriend has recently perfected the art of making french fries at home. Seriously, I think I will compare every fry I eat now to his fries. He really makes the best. Also he's cute so that helps too!
Girl Talk - Our friends Cait and Jewcy came over to hang out, and I got to be super girl with Cait which was awesome. I'm not always an overly girly person, but I do love the chances I get to gush over pretty and cutesy things. All girls need some pink in their life right?
Being lazy - We had a bunch of goals for the day. Wanna know how many we accomplished? One. I cleaned the bathroom. Which way too much bleach. But that was enough for me to feel like an adult so we quit and decided to just talk to people all day. It really has been a pretty perfect day.
Mr. Sunshine - If you have never seen this show you should order the special DVD right now. It is so funny. And I am very angry and ABC for cancelling it! I don't know why I didn't watch it when it came out. Alison Janney with Matthew Perry = comedic excellence.
Girl Talk - Our friends Cait and Jewcy came over to hang out, and I got to be super girl with Cait which was awesome. I'm not always an overly girly person, but I do love the chances I get to gush over pretty and cutesy things. All girls need some pink in their life right?
Being lazy - We had a bunch of goals for the day. Wanna know how many we accomplished? One. I cleaned the bathroom. Which way too much bleach. But that was enough for me to feel like an adult so we quit and decided to just talk to people all day. It really has been a pretty perfect day.
Mr. Sunshine - If you have never seen this show you should order the special DVD right now. It is so funny. And I am very angry and ABC for cancelling it! I don't know why I didn't watch it when it came out. Alison Janney with Matthew Perry = comedic excellence.
Saturday, April 26, 2014
3 Months later I'm back!
So I've been gone for awhile...a little over two months. I've been trying to write a new blog for a few weeks now to explain why, but I've decided to not do that. I'll explain in two sentences.
Someone I loved as a friend hurt me greatly, I no longer associate with that person. I see no reason to blast them on the internet and delve deeper into it, but rather focus on moving forward.
That past few months have been amazing to say the least. So lets talk about the good things that have happened since then.
1 - Towards the End of January we (the boy and I) went to see his sister and her hubby in San Francisco. Now yes we've done these visits before, but this was the last time we would spend there. As always we had a great time, and saw jellyfish. And may or may not have seen a whale or two. I'm gonna go with not.
2 - My baby brother came to visit LA! It was amazing! I was so excited to see him, since I hadn't seen him in a year. And now he is off to the airforce. Military is kind of a thing with my family. We got to see Cirque du Soleil - Totem, which was one of the scariest and most stunning things I have ever seen in my life. Then unfortunately Los Angeles decided that winter was here and rained for the rest of his trip. But we ordered Chinese and made the best of it. And he got to have Cheesecake Factory for the first time, on his last day. Then we flew back home together.
3 - I WENT HOME! - For the first time in a year and a half I went to Pennsylvania, and it was great. There were some tricks to it. One being that where my family lives does not have Whole Foods or Trader Joe's. Healthy food was hard. But my mom and I became much closer during this trip. We really became friends. The best part was hanging out with my nephew, who is one of the smartest two year old's I have ever met. And now he is in love with Journey's Don't Stop Believing, because I sang it to him to go to sleep. He also likes Part of Your World from The Little Mermaid. So my sister had to learn that too. I'm the best aunt ever.
Oh the glory of Sheetz coffee. I you've never had it, you have never lived!
I got to be there for my brothers Air Force send off! I cried, as I did many times while I was home. I'm the emotional one. It's a fact.
4 - The AHA shoot - I did my first photo shoot ever, about a week after I came back from PA. I was terrified going into it, but it was worth it. We got some great shots out of it, and now I know what to expect when I get my headshots done.
Now that I'm back I am going to try my best to post at least once a day, even if it's something small. I want this blog to follow my journey into becoming an actress, and beam out positivity. I know I am happier, when I see others are happy as well. I hope that I can do the same for someone else.
Someone I loved as a friend hurt me greatly, I no longer associate with that person. I see no reason to blast them on the internet and delve deeper into it, but rather focus on moving forward.
That past few months have been amazing to say the least. So lets talk about the good things that have happened since then.
1 - Towards the End of January we (the boy and I) went to see his sister and her hubby in San Francisco. Now yes we've done these visits before, but this was the last time we would spend there. As always we had a great time, and saw jellyfish. And may or may not have seen a whale or two. I'm gonna go with not.
2 - My baby brother came to visit LA! It was amazing! I was so excited to see him, since I hadn't seen him in a year. And now he is off to the airforce. Military is kind of a thing with my family. We got to see Cirque du Soleil - Totem, which was one of the scariest and most stunning things I have ever seen in my life. Then unfortunately Los Angeles decided that winter was here and rained for the rest of his trip. But we ordered Chinese and made the best of it. And he got to have Cheesecake Factory for the first time, on his last day. Then we flew back home together.
3 - I WENT HOME! - For the first time in a year and a half I went to Pennsylvania, and it was great. There were some tricks to it. One being that where my family lives does not have Whole Foods or Trader Joe's. Healthy food was hard. But my mom and I became much closer during this trip. We really became friends. The best part was hanging out with my nephew, who is one of the smartest two year old's I have ever met. And now he is in love with Journey's Don't Stop Believing, because I sang it to him to go to sleep. He also likes Part of Your World from The Little Mermaid. So my sister had to learn that too. I'm the best aunt ever.
I got to be there for my brothers Air Force send off! I cried, as I did many times while I was home. I'm the emotional one. It's a fact.
4 - The AHA shoot - I did my first photo shoot ever, about a week after I came back from PA. I was terrified going into it, but it was worth it. We got some great shots out of it, and now I know what to expect when I get my headshots done.
Now that I'm back I am going to try my best to post at least once a day, even if it's something small. I want this blog to follow my journey into becoming an actress, and beam out positivity. I know I am happier, when I see others are happy as well. I hope that I can do the same for someone else.
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